Ann Reilly October 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm
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thanks for topic and web site. I can relate to all your stories. I also know alot about bpd as have been diagnosed with it ,bipolar,head,spinal injury. First hospitalization was when i was 21 for a month after smoking weed with a neighbor who didn’t trust(didn’t trust self. Learned to trust gut.) Anyway it was laced and i was raped and had a psychotic break and was taken to mental hospital in a straight jacket after being in apartment below him with my poor mom for a week.

It has taken me years to get better. Mostly who I hurt along way was me and my mom. I suppose anyone who loved me but never felt they did but just used me for sex. Can be very used if have this and BP as hypersexual is part of it as ‘act out’. Medicine helps greatly. This illness largely stems from’poor raising’ in a home was neglected and ‘invalidated’ in. Noone was interested in me. Raised self. Caused acceptance problems as felt rejected by them,also in school with peers as acted differently based on my experiences and couldn’t relate well,same at work,same in relationships both with friends and lovers as they found me odd. you would be too if lived what i have. i make no excuse for self but explains alot. I am lucky to be alive. I have been a crime victim several times as am alone alot,once at gunpoint. Violence,trauma,rape,domestic violence,assault,evictions,addiction,crazy unstable relationships,can’t keep a job,victimization,real or imagined is all part of it as live what know and repeat it again and again until with alot of help stop it as very compulsive. Today I keep to self. Am in no relationship(don’t want to have to live up to someone’s expectations or be disappointed by another). Trust is a big part of it and not there yet.,celibate for 4 years,have attended ‘SLAA’ sex and love addicts for my craving for love and settling for sex and then losing self respect and self in process. I often put self in compromising situations that out of fear went along with things. Red flag if scared shouldn’t have been is someone’s car,home,etc. I tried to be what wasn’t to fit in.

Now am an artist,jewelry designer,blogger,who has had some work published I am happy about. I see value in my story and pain to help others find a way out of it and to understand those they know with this. We didn’t cause it but we are responsible for what do with it. We need to be accountable and save selves you can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving. Is a battle within,sick part doesn’t want to get better but healthy side does. See it in alcoholics,drunks. Perhaps they too have this or BP. Borderline is an illness where person is on the border between neurosis and psychosis. It is a severe mental illness,despite what doctors have thought for years inthat it wasn’t one. It is multiple illnesses in one(PTSD,depression,anxiety,social phobia,agraphobia,paranoia.) Once k now what dealing with,it is highly treatable if person is commited to healing. Those in life need to go to therapist to cope and if in a relationship couples therapy. ‘Excuse rather than accuse’,set boundaries,love,have compassion not pity,encourage but don’t let self be a target to abuse or anger from person. Noone deserves that. This is a very spiritual experience and i believe one needs help in many eclectic treatments to overcome this almost divine intervention like a demon within. many with this were early sexualized,thus the sex piece and the power from looking good,closeness to opposite sex,being noticed. Sadly the personality is such that when get close to us we can crumble. I believe was the sad case of marilyn monroe(what a smart,beautiful yet tragic,childlike,needy person). i often feel like her as in when need help or want someone to talk to do something with,noone is there. i have an advocate though from BIANYS(brasininjury assoc.). I believe partly head injury brought this illness out and had the predisposition in family as other have mental problems. I have seen recently that my mouth gets me in trouble and best to be quiet as am misunderstood as alot of what i do is hard to control like a seizure,meds help. Working a program really helps too as not alone as in support groups on phone as live rural and stigma here. Fear,anger are big parts of this. my faith helps the fear. Compassion for self and others)forgive past and present imagined hurts,slights) helps as we are all imperfect and do the best can. I grew up in a home had to be perfect in. Society strives for this too. Also many mixed messages around sex,double standard. Alot of pressure put on women to be super people. Rejected when aren’t. This lessens anger for rude things people say at times to us as we are an enigma. So much going for us. look for the good i say in eachother,let go let God. You can’t do it alone. Addiction,madness is built in isolation.

These are very common illnesses as thousands of people in US alone are afflicted,just don’t hear about it as those who are lucky are in support groups like Recovery Inc.(google it),’Emotions Anonomous” based on AA 12 steps slogans. I have great faith in God,love my pets which keep me alive and give me something to care for besides me. I also do dialectical and cognitive behavior therapy and meditate. I share my experience,strength and hope with you.

Walking daily in the light.

-Ann

Besides seeing doctor for medicine and talk therapy can do..

Some services include:

- Meditation classes/groups(includes deep breathing,stretching,relaxing music)
*
Recovery Inc,EA,DBT,CBT classes/groups


* - Sharing on self-help techniques from Recovery Inc. and E.A. based on 12 steps of recovery.(email,$5/email) Books available. Google Recovery Inc. Book is Mental Health Through Will Training by Dr. Abraham Low. and Emotions Anonomys
*
-Teaching cognitive therapy(CBT) skills such as writing down most common worry,negative,angry,fearful,thoughts and flipping them around to secure thoughts so feel more comfortable. Book available. Feeling Good by Dr.Robert Burns.
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-Teaching Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills such as mindfulness which is observing,describing,dropping judgement or interpreting event so don't work self up or down and get angry,fearful and keep self respect.
*
- Faith-based healing ex. reading bible and clinging to scripture if feel fear,anger,encounter a difficult or person scared of.
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art classes,groups(healing)

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-a blog sharing alternative healing techniques that can be used with medication,doctor,therapist visits such as affirmations,aromatherapy,

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And more!
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I find the medical field can only do but so much and that we get a lot out of sharing our stories of recovery,management,improving,making small strides,successes with others(peers) who have been there or are living with these challenges too. If ask for advice from someone who doesn't go through this,they can say what they would do but they aren't us. They also don't know or understand what we go through.. If we compare ourselves to them and visa versa,will will always come up short and feel oppressed. They could read a book,go to a therapy session with you and even be around others such as us but even then they would be educated on this,even know how to speak to us so as to not make us feel worse. Is called mirroring and empathy. Doctors trained in trauma which I have been through can help me as have seen many who have been through what I have,ex.been a crime,domestic violence,child abuse,neglect,bullying victim. It is common for us to gravitate to home where safe and to have social problems with others as they can't relate to us and visa versa.
*

Suggestions are ok but advice isn't as is asking for it. What may be good for you is not for another. It leads to enablement,manipulation,self pity instead of compassion,experience+,strength,courage,hope and independence. Experience says I have done this before and it was ok like I walked to post office,see others going there and I came home ok. As survivors of violence,abuse,neglect,we need to firstly take the medicine,secondly keep ourselves safe,not accept anyone's garbage or judgements or comparisons of us to them but also not compare,judge them as well as our situation now,lower our expectations of self,others, situation,accept(Last stage of book Death and Dying). These stages one goes through with any catastrophic injury,event or illness. It takes awhile for the mind to process it all.
*

*
If someone says something mean about us,in ear shot or to us, we can chew on it and spit it out.If any truth to it we can work on it but if not we can let it and person go as is their problem not ours. We don't have to absorb that like a sponge and feel hurt.

Next we need to stop complaining,moping but keep busy,feeling sorry for self but have compassion for have been through,worrying.

After we see why the way are we can do something about it. Other wise are just feeling our way around in the dark without a flash light. A good therapist will be with you on as much of your journey as possible,sometimes holding your hand as you open the doors where you don't know what lies behind them. If we keep going and moving beyond our comfort zones and facing our fears and rejection from others as they don't understand(is why we keep talking to them about what are going through. ex. feeling,here at,what happened. Others say just do this you moron. It is so obvious,easy even. It is for them as don't have a gorilla on their back saying 'No!' They are not at here are so don't act like us. Doesn't make them better. It just explains why it has been hard to fly through life like them as one of or wings have been broken and we have been clueless as to how to mend it,can we mend it,do we even want to mend it as have lived this way for so long in pain,incredible pain and unbearable loneliness and fear and often anger as others can react to us cruelly out of exasperation. Why is best when asked how we are say ok and not speak of this but to a few supportive people.)

We often feel conflicted and have to just do the next sane,sober thing when in doubt or do nothing until the answers come. Often we feel incredible fear as don't know what to do. Sometimes are detached and feel nothing at all. Other times are right back in the past with flashbacks of our trauma like it is happening right no. Yes we can let go of the past No we don't forget it but it is a release so we get some perspective on it and can keep going as not there anymore. we sometimes fear though if put in same situation again it will repeat to which I say. 'The outer environment,people don't have maximum thrust and we have minimum resistance'. (quote from Recovery Inc. book). Is a balancing act with us as we can be overwhemed,overstimulated by too much information from media,being with people too long. We can distance selves and go home hen need quiet or shut off radio for a cd instead to quiet our mind. We really can control our minds quite a bit by little changes. Also if we do these things home, it is easier to cope with stress when with others and have a lot to do quickly and so on.

As in book I Hate you,don't leave me ,we can send out mixed messages as our moods fluctuate to being mature and strong to childlike and scared. Is because our thoughts are all over the place. May be hard to gage who one is talking to at any given day. No we are not split personalities. The goal is to integrate one personality with all these eclectic therapies and techniques. The work can be exhausting on patient and doctor which is why many don't take us on. I think it is because when childlike it is hard to do what is necessary as are dealing with a child,seeing the world through the eyes of a child. Then a doctor doing 'tough love' is unbearable and can send a person with borderline(my diagnosis) running. On the flip side,if one treats a person with borderline(notice I don't say a borderline just as I don't say sick,mentally ill as are stigmatizing,negative,degrading labels) as a sick child all the time even hen they are feeling capable and well,the person with BPD as it is called ill get angry and feel is being pitied and no progress is being made.

We can't handle overgeneralization like'she knows the coping tools but has trouble using them' as if didn't use them wouldn't be here still as this is a battle that goes on within the person. Knowing how to treat,talk to based on experience with many with this disorder,successfully is essential and not just a social worker who treats many illnesses as we are challenging. Due to the social difficulties, people with this illness have a high suicide rate. It is treatable though. ) Being kind is best approach to person with this and to calmly assuage her/his allegations of one not caring and alleged wrong doing.

I personally find my relationship with God and Jesus and relying on the Holy Spirit within me, most satisfying. By this I mean relying on ourselves with the strength,courage and guidance we get from God when we speak to him and read the word and apply it to our lives.

'Set your affection on things above,not on things on the earth'' Col 3:2

Again, services can be done in person or online through email and directing you to information online.


'Recovery from trauma is a journey similar to life. It is not a destination'.


If you have found anything interesting,helpful to you or a loved one with this,or an emotional illness, please make a donation to Recovery Inc.,Emotions Anonomous(non profits) or to me through my P O Box 1102 Cairo,NY 12413 c/o Ann Reilly. I am a financially struggling artist,designer,writer. My web site,blogs are here to help the public and share my story with you. I live on disability(notice don't say disabled as have many abilities and I believe in being proactive) and the art ,jewelry I sell is sporadic and supplements my income. Thanks. I wish you all the best on your journey to wellness or your loved one's and I thank you for visiting my page and ,for educating yourself about mental illness,it's causes,treatments so can share this with others to erase stigma,shame(we didn't cause this) and encourage inclusion of those afflicted into society and not exclusion so they can enjoy the same rights as you do. We too are human with feelings,in fact we feel so much more than you that it becomes hard to function normally.


I also thank you for supporting programs,groups,online mental health chat and learning coping tools, that work to help one cope with this and improve one's functioning, so one doesn't commit suicide(support out of the darkness walks. One in Catskill,NY on October 1st,2011)-

Donor Drive to support suicide prevention programs.


'Every life is precious in the eyes of the Lord and all of us are here for a unique divine purpose in his order of things'.


'Lean not to thy own understanding but trust in the Lord and He will direct thy path and make the crooked ways straight.' -The Bible, Proverbs 3:5-6


Many blessings,


Ann :)




Survivor's Art Foundation



SAMHA Substance Abuse Mental Health Association


DBSA Depression Bipolar Support Association



NAMI National Association for the Mentally Ill


BIANYS Brain Injury Association of NY state




Body,Mind,Spirit Directory

Smudging

Smudging is a ceremony for cleansing when one uses preferably sage sweeet grass and cedar. I had burned incense of sage and then added lavendar and rose oil to air to give back a positive energy to my home after expelled the negative. Then I used the ashes and rubbed them on my self similar to ash Wednesday principle. I put them on my spine where I have pain. This protects me.

I had a nice productive visit with my mom today.

Watch your mouth!

Oprah Winfrey (she has a nice smile and good teeth. Don't forget to check out her site on puppy mills. Don't buy from a pet store but save a life at a shelter!!
which includes flossing, brushing your teeth,gums,tongue,using salt water,gargling with listerine mouth wash and even scaling off the calcium deposits that can accumulate. Your carotid artery is near your mouth so it is dangerous not to take care of yor teeth and gums due to laziness and fatigue. I can be guilty of this myself as I am tired and fall into bed but no excuse as I can make the time to do them earlier and will from now on as I do more work in the long run when I neglect them. There is nothing attractive about being toothless or having to wear dentures before your time.

Art as a form of prayer..

I attended a workshop on art as prayer Saturday at Oneness in Peace Center, www.Onenessinpeace.org in Germantown, NY and I enjoyed myself and did some art work while there. They have retreats at their house and offer meditation as a way to connect with God.

Above is one of my recent works. My take of Van Gogh's work. What you think..is there a likeness to it? Do you like it?

Walking closely with God..

and doing the next sober thing..I am keeping self,pets,home safe. I also feed my wild birds,bunnies out back. All I have control over. I do what can. Good Karma.

As far as career goes.. I say I am an artist. I have made $ off modeling but will only do projects I feel comfortable with. I had done cam chat too but am not doing it anymore as fed my addiction. As for addiction...my first feeble attempts at intimacy were met with abandonment. I thought man would stick by me once we "did it". Not the case..on to next is what they do. Is best not to rush into it unless know real well. Nice in theory but being human hard to control hormones. I also found with rejection is was less painful to have sex when I wanted it but soon it became a compulsion. I also felt embarrassed and guilty by what did as double standard for women. I tried to fight this as a feminist and as men did. In reality I was not a man and had more to risk than a man and paid the price.

Of late I journal in blog here and yes I have the web site so I guess I am sharing my experience,strength and hope with others on this same road. Yes we can live with this,we do not need to be ashamed as is a a sickness like any other and yes we can get better. It does take time. Don't let anyone put you down.

I am trying to come to terms with what has happened to me..the why's,how's and so on. From my understanding..I was hurt by some pretty sick people who them selves were hurt. Also it made them feel better about selves to pick on me for being different and not doing to 9-5 job or whatever their problem with me was. None of their business. It took focus off them. I in turn hurt people by following the drama triangle...one minute perpetrator,next minute victim next minute rescuer..I caught self in it with friend the other day and I caught my self and I said what he does is not business. When I get plank out of my eye can take out speck in his. I had to look at good in him and there is alot there. I have no right to hurt another. I am far from perfect yet he accepts me,cares and isn't judging.

I also resented the men I was hurt by who used me and in turn I said well use him back. I know they feared intimacy like me and settled for this way of getting close if only for a night..which was a misuse of sex and addictive.

I didn't know how to relate to anyone in a healthy way as I didn't accept me. I never was accepted for me. I do now with my flaws and mistakes. I am human. I was brought up to be perfect so human was not acceptable. I am a human being not doing. I have learned it's not about me or you but God. To do what is necessary daily and not just what I want. It doesn't mean I don't have some thing to contribute like my writing as I think I have some thing to say based on what I have learned. I have a place in this world and don't need to excuse myself for being on the planet anymore. I think in this way I can relate to others and be kind without trying to save them,control them and then persecute them when they do not do as I say like I am God and then play the victim. I can only handle me and man that is enough.

So for today I can say I am writing. As a model yes some stuff was published in book,magazine,on web sites,private collectors and yes I was paid so am accomplished by society's standards. I even had a poem published. I have written articles for news paper.

These days I would say I am trying to find some thing to get absorbed in and feel good about. What is a success? Could be many things..being a good parent,having a career,being a good spouse...is a person thing. For me it is having a purpose for good and living a decent life and when I put my head on the pillow being able to live with me. It is not about money. All I need is enough to get by. I don't date as I need to get strong enough in me so don't repeat behaviour of past so I stop being hurt. I am taking care of me and don't need a man to complete me.

Solution

Solution

Now a days I take it a day at a time and do what is required in day but don't over load. I work in the flow. I have a few friends who are supportive and understanding of me in my life. I try to act not react and not be too high or low but am detached and say a mantra and silence the demons or negative thoughts . I keep to self a lot as can't trust many now a days. Since I have company I am not as lonely and can tolerate being alone at times and amuse self with hobbies and such. I am learning boundaries for self and others. For the most part some don't get why I can't just do a 9-5 job. Their problem as I don't as have some medical problems. I don't need to be around them if they can't accept that answer or me. I look at what I do have daily and am grateful.

Recovery is like the stages of Death and Dying 1.Denial 2. Anger 3.Barter 4.Depression 5.Acceptance

At first one denies has a problem. May say just shy or down once in awhile. Gradually one makes changes in life to accommodate the illness. One gets angry when told one has a diagnosis and addiction. They barter can I have this if I give up this?! Then one gets very depressed and hardly functions. Suicide is contemplated. Eventually comes acceptance and an honest desire to change to save one's life.

Therapies I have used are CBT and DBT. CBT,cognitive behavioral therapy involves making positive statements to each negative statement, thought or old core belief learned as a child. Feeling Good* is a great book that uses this therapy to overcome depression. DBT,dialectical behavior therapy was created by Marsha Linehan to help mostly people with bipolar and borderline cope with stress daily and function higher. It is broken down to 4 parts.

1.Mindfulness-concentrate on what do 2. Interpersonal Skills-Assert rather than be passive or aggressive. Set boundaries for self and others. Operate in mastery and willingness and do what is needed not willfulness. May feel guilt if make a mistake but remember we all do so let it go and keep trying. Don't beat on self. 3. Distress Tolerance- Improve moment by like doing some thing fun. 4. Emotion Regulation- calm self with deep breathing. Operating in wise mind a combination of emotional and logical but not only either so more detached so do what have to .

Meditate
I meditate before bed. I turn off all lights and light a candle while I burn incense to ward off evil. I put on a tape of relaxing music,tend to be alone,sit in a comfortable position and say a mantra of ancient Sanskrit holy words over and over as shuts off my mind. If thoughts come just bring back to mantra (can be an affirmation like I am a good person). I do this during the one side of tape and often turn it over to the other for and hour total. I even do it when on lines in stores. It really helps. You could say an affirmation tho like 'I am enough,do enough,have enough'

Recovery Tools

1. Alternatives-Use passion put not addiction like sex to a hobby such as art,yoga/stretching which helps my spine,walk/hike in woods communing with nature,playing with my cats,gardening,cooking,birding and feeding wild birds out back,listening to music,sing and play guitar,reading (like Luanna Rice).

2.Affirmations- I challenge negative self talk with positive. Even write it down.

3. Boundaries-set for self and others

4. Prayer-I pray in morning. "Prayer doesn't change God but him who prays".

4. Literature- I do spiritual and ODAt in Alanon readings each morning and contemplate on reading and apply to my life. I also like to read inspirational material too.

5.steps

6. traditions-place principles over personalities

7. humor

8.meetings- I attend (SLAA) sex love addicts anonymous as none in my area. Meetings help against isolation on which addiction thrives.

Misuse of sex damages love of self and capacity to love another. Intention of addictive behavior is to find love and feel good. Such behavior anesthetizes pain and feelings. Need to see what non addictive relationships look like. Communication is key and each can function ok with out the other.* Go from density to light.If codependent don't neglect own responsibilities by helping another. Don't do for someone who can do for self. Don't ask for advice or give it.

9. journaling- to get in touch with one's feelings and what is going on in life.

10. Spirituality- As a child I was baptized a Catholic. Through the years i looked for more than ritual mass. I went to different churches such as Baptist Bible study,listened to Jehovah witnesses,looked at Mormon bible,studied Buddhism by listening to audiotape "One's Buddha Nature" by Jack Kornfield who used to be a Buddhist monk. I like the practice of random acts of kindness or pay it forward. If someone helps you help another.

"The difference between me and others is that I am awake" -Buddha I like the Eastern ways and studied under an Indian guru Sant Takhar Singh thru the Know Thyself as Soul Foundation. Can find out more on it thru net. I went on retreats and learned to meditate. Says world is all illusion and how we need to watch what we put in mind such as music,tv,movies,books,magazines as it effects how we feel and behave and can corrupt us. We will only be happy when we align our will to God's. I also like Native American drumming and chanting. They believe in Shamanism , holy men and communication with the spirits. I like their respect for the land which they say is lent to us and is our responsibility to take care of but not own.

11.Service- Help another. Yes we have pain and suffering. But because we are made in image of God we have intellect and we know the truth..So tho we may be lost for a time when we enter into the life of Christ, the life of sacrifice which will end in death. For each of us we can find our own unique calling to give of our selves to increase grace and resemble the Lord and this may decrease friend's. Our greatest joy is when we give unselfishly.

12. Eat Right. More on eating healthy.

13. Go outside (get light,sun as need vitamin D to fight depression)

14. Exercise-walk,bike as releases endorphins and you feel better.(even if afraid out as I go through this too. Unpredictable out there as can control what goes on home. I walk with pitbull. I went to park today. Was ok. I have to remember that the next time have to go out so get out as I have some agraphobia,social phobia. I also see others out and say if they can be so can I.

15. Get fresh air. Breathe in and let it out. Releases tension.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recommended Reading/Footnotes (as some material came from books)Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns,Recovery Inc. by Dr. Low,Women,SEx and Addiction by Dr. Kazl,Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie,Big Book by Alcoholics Anonymous,On Death and Dying by Kubler Ross,Bible




©2006

Bitch

Not a bad word as means you assert yourself and don't take people's crap. Next time someone calls you that,say thanks. Keep being that way as many in this society think kindness is weakness and step all over ya'.

Cool site I found taht touched on victim and triangle mentioned on previous post. It also has many otehr posts on daily happenings and opinions expressed on varying topics.
See Heartless Bitches

I used to think being nice would keep me out of trouble but it is best to be self. CAn be hard tho when can't trust taht person. Why I work a step program and take care of me and stay clear of toxic people. Who are they? Simmply they are those who we feel badly around.

Drama Triangle

Icarus Project

Is something I have done as an addict with emotional problems and codependent issues which perpetuated dependency on each of our parts (first with mom and me) then (male friend and me). It also involved some rescuing as took focus off each other. My part was acting like God and how I know what is best for you by being very controlling. At the same time others were my GOD so I didn't have to take responsibility for me and didn't trust my judgement. Such behaviour of changing from victim to rescuer to persecutor is called the Drama Triangle. I feel I help Bill, my friend as he doesn't do stuff for self like open mail. I have layed off alot and have made suggestions and not gotten angry and left for him to do or not. After I did stuff when didn't want to ..I felt resentment and took it out on him. He in turn would get angry with me if I backed off and did for self.

I also have been victimized in relationshps, on jobs and where i live by neighbors. Now is all can do about so I keep to self,ignore and avoid em. Seems to work. As for men I don't date as don't need to get close and they leave. As for jobs I work on own and trying to find model jobs .

For more on behavoior of triangel look here

The Problem

Problem


I was angry that I had to go thru all this stuff. I asked why me? God replied why not you? I never promised you it would be easy. All of us had burdens in life. Just some hide them better. When emotional like I can be it is more noticeable. I am trying to watch what I say and be positive as alot of it is how I think. Mental illness still contains stigma,anger and fear around it as it is not understood. Many think of us as nutty and dangerous. These are but a few and most of us are victims of crime due to our passivity,fear of others,being alone as we avoid others and they avoid us making us easy prey for criminals. Emotional illness effects us all to some degree as we all have emotions and live on the same earth. Many hide it and manage it better is all. None of came from perfect families and we all have issues. For some tho it is more and a chemical imbalance and is genetically and environmentally linked. Partially has to do on how was raised and runs in families just as addiction does and abuse. One acts today due largely on how was parented and socialized.

(BP) bipolar,which affects 3 million Americans alone, can be helped with therapy and medication. This is not 100% tho and there is no cure and nooone ever is recovers completely. It is just arrested daily and managed. How is it managed? By watching who one is around and what one does in a day to avoid stressors and toxic people. These same things would not bother the average person but because people with BP are more sensitive it does. Many artists:musician,actors,writiers have this but give so much to society. Some have shared on having this recently like Jane Pauley,Linda Hamilton and others to bring it more out to the open and not behind closed doors. One is only as SICK as one's secrets. In the light of day and by talking about them they become less scary. Why some have also shared in open forums such as hospitals at conventions,schools at the auditorium,churches,etc. so such individuals will be more accepted in society. Hate the sin not the sinner.

One can control one's strong reactions to certain people by disipating one's anger which is often a part of mental illness. Women tend to turn it inward as depression and men outward. We all do and say dumb things as are human. This helps us lose anger. Fear is another part of illness and one can get paranoid and think others are talking about and laughing at them and one is less then because has this and others know more as can think straight even tho we are smart. By turning it over to God and having faith this helps overcome this. Being around others closely in groups tho may still be hard and many function better working alone or at home and have a few friends and avoid groups of people and busy stores. What is mania? The oppposite of the lows of depression one feels happy but also irritable,stressed and the mind is racing with many thoughts so one has to keep moving and doing things. This is often caused by extreme stress,possibly a change in life. this is why it is important to limit change in life altho life is about change major changes can cause one to "cycle" or go in waves from high to low. Often caused also by not taking meds or taking them not at prescribed dose as dose often causes them to lose highs and they feel base line or not happy or sad. Often unfortunately many feel sad as not on right antidepressant or one needs to do more cognitive therapy which is changing negative thoughts to positive. *For more on bipolar click links on Bipolar Planet and Bipolar World Some keep mood charts. What are they?! Mood cahrts measure moods highs and lows based on teh days occurences and who came in contact with and waht was said and one's reactions to it. The goal is to realize can't control other's but we can act not act by accepting them and not personalizing everything like many with depression do.

Ten common thought distortions depressed people often follow are:

1.Mental filtering (something negative happens and then everything is negative)

2. Personalization-taking things personally

3. All or nothing thinking. Can't see greys. If one thing goes wrong it is all wrong.

4. Disqualifying the positive

5. Maximizing and minimizing.

6. Jumping to conclusions

7. Should statements

8. Overgeneralization

9. Emotional Reasoning_ex. I feel bad so therefore I am bad.

10. Labeling and Mislabeling

Those with (BPD) borderline personality disorder have abandonment,intimacy and trust issues. Often they have chosen partners and friends,employers who reinforce these feelings experienced as a child because they have unfinished business here. Also feel wouldn't attract a nice,caring man or woman friend. We can get child like at times as inner child comes out. It is important to acknowledge the child and not shove it down. Also illness resembles OCD,obsessive compulsive disorder as when one has a thought obsessing on it constantly like a new lover in the life,someone who has treated us shabbily or a job. Then one acts from a compulsive area acting out if lover doesn't call. for ex. May go out with someone else.

Also BPD is like PTSD,post traumatic disorder as when under stress brings up abuse as a child and low frustration level and trauma so gets symptomatic and back down from a job or relationship. What causes it? Due to neglect in home I was shy and withdrawn and an easy target for bullies in school. Also was a victim of crime a few times which caused me to dissociate or go some place in my head and can do that now if some one is unkind or abusive like was hit in face by an old b/f as he was screaming in my face. I came to have a hard time on job dealing with the social aspects of it. Men have not stuck with me and have left as couldn't handle or didn't understand or care to understand illness. How does one cope if feel like a child alot inside even tho in an adult body?! Mastery...the more we accomplish and grow in confidence we earn we can truly take care of us on our own and we lose the fear and the pain taht child experienced.She/he willl always be tehre ready to pop out screaming we don't want to do this at the oddest of times when presented with some thing we fear. Some times it is in our best interests to heed taht voice. Other times we must say I know you are afraid but I as an adult will now protect you so we don't get hurt. So the abuse stops and we come to terms with the past and can move on and forgive those who mistreated us in their pain.

Getting together with a friend or other support person helps me(once a week). Also speaking with therapist once a week. Unlike others I have few friends as is hard to understand this and to be around it. But that is now and I do continue to be friendly and atleast I am around people when I shop. Slowly I hope to open the gates of trust and in time be known and trusted also by more people.

I hope you enjoy my site. It is my wish that you learn something on addiction and emotional illness. Is intertwined with codependency, usually with another addict or rescuer who is also known as the enabler. It is rooted in the family dynamic and thus is a family illness and not just the addict's or emotionally ill person's problem. Difficulty with controlling emotions usually stems from lies were told and the ones we now tell ourselves. Many have depression and stress in lives now. I believe while we are all sensitive, some are more so than others and for them living and working closely to others who say and do wahtever without thinking of who they are speaking to can be very difficult. They do not have "thick skins" but thin despite being told to "toughen up".

The health care system doesn't work the way it is set up as there is a division in society with those who have emotinal challenges versus those who don't. Those with mental illness depend on mental health services and meds,live in group homes,work in MHA,mental health association,where they don't deal with the public. When the outside gets too hard they go in hospital for a week til insurance runs out and go back out to a society who doesn't understand them,doesn't care as they think not their problem and doesn't effect them. This creates a viscious cycle taht is repaeated by many in the System,instead of keeping people out and supporting thru positive reinforcement small steps to connect to healthier,tolerant,kind,consistent people.

Since I for instance KNOW I have problems and work on them daily and don't deny them..I am in some ways healthier then those who don't and kill,hurt their kids,elders,steal and what not. Also some have bipolar and other disorders and deny it and just work and struggle thru society and don't get along with others. What needs to happen is taht we become more accepting of those who are different as God doesn't make junk. We can all learn from each other. What have I lerned from this?! To be humble and lose ego..Because of this the way I look at life is different. It's not about making alot of $ but live comfortable and be able to enjoy it and consider the poor and help thy neighbor. Sometimes this means smiling,saying a kind word,opening or holding a door. People can be cruel as don't understand it which makes person keep to self and stay depressed as can be lonely living this way. I want to add that it isn't mentally healthy to be mean to another. Cho,who killed all the student at VA Tech was bullied all thru high school himself. While many won't kill just because hurt by others is important to look at self and ask do I want to perpetuate this just because I see others do it?! Can I risk not being popular and say Enough!

We can only create a healthier society by stopping the sick way many of us speak to one another. We are all equal and worthy and God's children. We deserve love and respect just because we are alive and not for what we do which often is never enough as we have been told as children that many things we did were wrong and perhaps even we were bad. Doesn't help when many in society are the same way because of what they came out of. All we can do is stick with supportive,uncritical,loving people and minimize contact with those we don't feel good around. We also need to change the tapes that run in our heads of negative statements some have said to us. Were the words true? If not,rewrite them and move on.

Marsha Linehan,founder of DBT,says she 2 has BPD

Can find link to this post here to read her story.

hmm..guess didn't add link but it's on net so google it.

Good food for you...

(hint)MmcDonald's double cheese burger and fries,while still a good deal at $ 1.20 not 99 cents, is not one of them! Read more

America's Got talent..Inspiration

'Abundant Life' blog. The author is a practicing Christian,something rare these days. She has inspirational quotes from the Bible on her blog like on fruit,faith and works. It lifted my spirits and will yours as well. 'Come tho you be burdened and heavy laden and you will be comforted." my children..

Tracey Chapman and Peter Gabriel singing 'Don't Give Up!'

building school in South Africa
playing wor world change. We're all in this together!
voices round the world..


at 'A Disgruntled Republican!' Funny clip on Obama's stimulus package, a real hoot!

well..not love LUV. Like I'm not a dyke or anything folks! Speaking of..are you gay?! Check this funny video out of her stand up routine on gays or being gay or what the hell is she anyway?! Like she lives with a guy and has a girl friend ok? oh yeh he's herhusband! But don't get me wrong folks. i really d don't give a shit!
Why do i luv her? Well everything is fair game to her,like most good comedians and comediennes..they find the humor in everything even a href="">. Embrace our inner ape folks!

A Creed To Live By

Don't undermine your worth by comparing
yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people
deem important.

Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them
life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.

It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams.

To be without dreams is to be without hope;
to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you've been, but also where you're going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
each step of the way.

~ Nancye Sims ~






"Letting Go"

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring;
It means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off....
It's the realization that I can't control another.....

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

~ ~ ~ ~ author unknown ~ ~ ~ ~


Do everything with a mind that lets go.
Do not expect any praise or reward.
If you let go a little, you will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom.
Your struggles with the world
will have come to an end.

insight meditation - achaan chah



Subject: Life is a Gift

There was once a blind girl who hated herself
for no other reason except that she was blind. She hated everyone,
except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that
if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. One
day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see
everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that
you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when
she saw that her boyfriend was blind. Not wanting to be burdened by a
'blind' person, she refused to marry him. Her loving, devoted and
understanding boyfriend walked away in tears, his heart obviously
broken. The girl who had been so fortunate to have the world opened up
to her, continued enjoying it; day in and day out....trying to never
miss a single pleasure life had to offer. A while later she received a
letter from her ex-boy friend which stated simply......."I sincerely
hope you enjoy your life. Your happiness was all that ever mattered to
me. I am so happy that you are enjoying life as I always hoped you
could. "I would like to ask one parting favor of you my dear ... Just
take care of my eyes."


This as sad as it may seem is how the human
brain changes when our status changes. Only a few remember what life was
like before and who has always been there even in the most painful
situations.


Life Is A Gift Today! Before you think of
saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife -
Think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today, before you complain about life - Think of
someone who went too early to their graves.

Before you complain about your children - Think
of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone
didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the
streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance.

And when you are tired and complain about your
job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they
had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or
condemning another -Remember that not one of us are without sin and we
all answer to one maker.


And when depressing thoughts seem to get you
down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still
around.


Life is a gift...
Live it...
Enjoy it....
Celebrate it...
And fulfill it.
Celebrate the gift and open your present
daily.....
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."



No mistake I read this today as is just what I needed as I get very down. I get angry at mean spirited people or when I feel slighted by so called freinds when they let me down. It is then I need to dig in my heels and pray more and do more for myself and don't depend on others who may let me down or some who say mean things as they hurt and have been hurt and is how they were treated. Have felt pretty down of late but I am working it thru. I do mantra to Let Go of the thoughts,problems and people in my life...and let God in. I can't, he can I think I'll let him. When I try to run the show I always feel bad. Hard to know what his will is for me tho..today is do the laundry and then work on this site a bit and take a nap,eat and watch some tv later. My priority is keeping me well. I had suicidal thoughts Friday but my pets save me as they,mom and birds depend on me. I feel lonely as am alone alot as I protect self. I am around people tho when go to store and such so not alone in world tho I get lonely. Goal is to keep self safe daily and do the next sober thing.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it..."~~Mark Twain

I need to have some forgiveness like I show to my mom who did her best with what she had but I still was a neglected kid. It is that kid in me that feels these feelings when it gets triggered by others. I lived with my dad's aunt and daughter growing up with my aunt's daughter visiting and they pretty much took over raising me as they hated my mom and bullied her. Why did they hate her?! Because they felt she wasn't good enough for my dad who wasn't perfect either. My mom is a person and has good in her and is smart. One of the greatest things I see in her is acceptance of how things are in life. I am an idealism who tries to change the world around me.. I do not think it isn't admirable to be like me as I do change a few things in this life by being in it Like "It's a wonderful life" our lives do touch others' lives for better or worse and there is a lesson to be learned in the contact we make with others. She also lowers her expectations of others and life so she isn't disappointed. I expect good and am disappointed when it doesn't turn out that way. I then feel down for the attempt. Perhaps I need to be more realistic of how things and people are. I need to look for the good in each day and in people and not their faults.

My mom left when I was 16..I visited her and later came to live with her as they had replaced scapegoating her with doing it to me. Not fun. She for the most part watched tv after work and I had depressed by 16. Also in car accident with head injury. Also mugged and beaten up. It effected me as I couldn't concentrate,sad alot,had problems remembering stuff thus home work was hard. Also got picked on by a few men @ 30 at job at hospital which was ridiculous due to my age. .Didn't learn how to deal with conflict but started avoiding it and ignoring perpetrators. I learned to keep to self to avoid pain.Being alone did make me an easy target tho for bullies and young people in groups as they would throw the occasional insult to impress friends. Also have been a crime victim several times as walked alone and wasn't a fighter.l I have become more alert to my surroundings and am not out ast night,don't carry much cash,moved to rural area and so on..

I am finally coming to terms with this stuff now instead of the weekly check in at the therapist's office. She says what's new? How's it going? Then poof time is up. Guess is what therapy and 12 step and journaling is about as it brings it to the front. Can't hide from it any longer. Deal with it or stay buggy. Why it is a courageous act as few really want to face past and selves now to free self for a better tomorrow. Is easier to escape it with food shopping or whatever for the quick fix and burry head in sand and avoid it and stay as nutty as everyone around knows you are and doesn't tell you. Maybe some do but it is said in such a way that hurts your feelings and you retaliate rather than do anything. Many of us are this way due to unhealed issues of the past. I stay away from joining clubs that might interest me for fear I may not be accepted,uncomfortable with new people and just have acquaintences and coworkers at school and work but no ,one close or to care about or be cared for.

In this case, it refers to 'old posts' resurrected. * Why you may ask am I reposting old posts?! ..Well..apparently hardly anyone is looking at them and I do have the popular and most interesting ones listed even on the right towards the end of the page but then that is probably why noone reads them. That being that they are at the end of the page!

"HOme Spa" (2008)

I know today is supposed to be extremely hot here in upstate NY. Be especially careful folks if you have respiratory and heart problems or are elderly. Use your air conditions as opposed to fans which just blow pollen and such about..I use fans as I have pets and the other can be linked to arthritis. I like open windows especially in the summer but then that is me and I don't have major health concerns OK?!

What other home spa treatments are there you may be asking yourself?! Well I mentioned the other day that green tea was good for hair. It can also be used as a tint for hair along with vegetable oils. Henna is also used for a more natural effect as opposed to peroxide found in many dyes. Health food store does carry some colorings though that are not harsh or tested on animals. I like the Kiss my Face line of products see Kiss my face and Burt's Bee's soaps and such. Kiss my face line originated in the Hudson Valley of upstate NY in response to vegetarian's desire for ethical non animal testing healthy skin care products. I know my therapist years ago and we're talking say 1996, she used to use them..Anyway,the prices are great too.

I bought a tinted plum colored lip balm by Alba brand with peppermint flavoring in it. mm..They call them Terra Tints. They also come in like an ice pink and earth brown tones. see It has oils in it like olive,coconut and soy for moisturizing benefit too. In fact according to Dr. Bronner and Woods,they both also have great castile soap..see Dr.Woods and Dr. Bronner Anyway they say all you need is enough sleep and to use the castile soap with lavender,peppermint,olive,coconut,tea tree oils in it...and that is enough of a cosmetic for the skin. Makes sense as if you have perfect skin,skin being our largest organ..then why would we even need makeup to cover it up?! I would add to that beauty regimen tho in tha I say drink alot of water also so you get all the poisons out of your body. Cranberry juice is good too as is sitting in the dead sea salts, I mentioned earlier.. as they bring the toxins to the surface and then you take a warm shower and then nap.

In these economic times it is hard now to go on a vacation or at least one that is far. NOt only this but it is a pain with the terrorists and the airport searches and long lines now with the gas situation and also the cost of travel whether by car or bus or plane..

What does one do?! Stay home! Make your home your sanctuary and a great place to be by investing in some home improvement. I bought recently some plants to beautify the front yard. I also bought an oil diffuser, a must with pets I have my paintings on my walls to a add a personal touch. I need to add light and color to the living room as is dark and drab. I will accomplish this with some wall treatments like adding canvas to the wall in a pastel color.

The room is a weird shape too as is rectangular not square. Slowly I will get it together. I have a nice front porch as i choose not to go in the back yard as there is poison ivy and weeds back there and the neighbors took it over anyway as are inconsiderate and rude. Yeh is supposed to be shared but what you gonna do with such people but avoid them. That is what I do. Let them hang out with the mosquitos I'll keep the front where I have a table chairs my bird feeders to watch the birds wind chimes and yes all my plants I just bought! I also go a rose bush a friend will put in ground for me today so I can have fresh roses all season. I love the smell of roses how about you?

Friend Bill worked the organic farm yesterday as is in charge of composting. In exchange he got some produce. He is bringing some radishes and fresh spinach to me today. mm..

In case you didn't know the leafy vegetables are great against depression. I don't know about you but I rather eat well than take those nasty pills with the side effects. Don't get me wrong,they are a great buffer. In times of stress they help. However food,healthy food can do wonders for you and help you think and function better. Omega fatty acids found in flax seed have been linked to better brain function and eye improvement as well. In fact vitamin deficiencies of omega fatty acids can cause learning difficulties. The oils too that I use in my practice help you be happier like orange and it makes you more alert like the fennel with the licorice smell.

Many office buildings that are SICK would be better off if windows were opened and they used these oils to help their employees. In the long run all would be healthier and do more work. Instead the air filtration vents are polluted often with dead animals like mice and they breathe in the fumes all day in close closed quarters. ugh!

Talk to the management. They did studies and checked the vents and you'd be surprised what they found. It's like the mattresses. Many are full of dust mites. Why you need to not only change your sheets regularly,at least once a week,but you also need to steam clean the mattress and rugs in your home. Rugs attract bugs like fleas and yes mites as they burrow into the weave of the rug and infections caused by the animal scratching and biting insanely in response to the bite and itch. They can cause mange in your pets and skin diseases so beware. Many vacuums have HEPA filtration systems that have good suction in picking up the dirt. The dust particles is what accumulate and can cause disease. Now vacuums are being made with lights on them with natural light to kill the bugs as well.

There are also natural sea salt air cleaners which absorb the pollutants. Keep your windows open and fans on to circulate the air during the summer months as it is warm enough now as opposed to the winter when the windows are closed due to cold temps. Drink lots of water and have juice too like grape for the heart and cranberry for the urinary tract. This flushes the toxins naturally without colon cleansers from the body. Load up on raw! Yes raw veggies and fruits,nuts,trail mix cereal,granola bars for snacking healthily. Use olive foil in your foods too.

Don't forget to exercise but be smart about it Please! Don't be out there in the high noon jogging like you see some fools do. Walk or bike for cardio in the morning early or in the evening hours. Don't forget our weights for toning but not too much ladies! We don't want to look like Neanderhals do we! ~ Let's embrace our femininity and lift not more than 10 lbs. but increase the repetitions to atleast 15 a day to prevent those sagging arms. You want to wear the sleeveless tops to be cool so do this.

EAt alot of salads too . One can have egg,macaroni,chef,tuna,chicken...you don't have to eat like a rabbit folks and yes yo can even use sow mayonnaise but use moderation n all things even as we know our exposure to the sun! We still do need the vitamin E it gives us so indulge but use sun screen.

The last lecture..

By professor Randy Pausch to his students. Given before he died of cancer.

link

Truly inspirational. Worth a listen if you are down about something in your life. If video doesn't come up anymore as may have been deleted,take the time to read a book by Randy. He truly was special.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

This applies to all of us folks and not just those suffering with emotional illness and addiction due to abuse and the behaviors that go along with it like stealing,lying,manipulation,job instability,violence and so on. Keeping ourselves on the beam so to speak is very important. It is vital that we know what our priorities are,that we surround ourselves with supportive,healthy people and choose jobs that are fulfilling to us and where we are appreciated for what we contribute by not just a pay check. If we can't find joy in what we do career wise then it is essential we do somewhere or we will be lost. Perhaps volunteering is the answer. Maybe joining an organization whose mission you too share like being green,saving animals,advocating for abused kids,elderly,those with disabilities. I don't know. It's different for everyone. When you find yourself at a point in your life like you don't want to get up in the morning,nothing excites you,family or person(s) close to you are not enough or are getting to YOU, it's time to look at what is really going on here. If honest, you will see what is needed is that you make a change in your life and the direction it is going. Don't settle for less as it will effect all areas of your life.Be courageous and live your life and do what you are being called to do. Listen to that little voice in you telling you what you need to do,what you are here to do. Don't shrink from that call but boldly follow it. You won't regret it. It is then that you will be living and not just existing.

We probably have been hearing that voice a long time but we didn't follow it out of fear of what we might have to do or give u to achieve it.

Marsha Linehan,founder of DBT,says she 2 has BPD

Can find link to this post here to read her story.

will add more as pc dying now,battery recharging.

Mental Health took Center stage..

I thought you'd find it interesting,especially the number of people with disorders and growing. Is important to get treatment yes but is also important to take the shame out of doing so and about having problems mentally. I know I tried to kick this myself in college as counseling center was in campus Hub and didn't want anyone to see me going there. I was embarrassed and also ignorant of what I had and why (due to abuse and neglect as a child,bullying and rejection from peers,being a crime victim). I thought I could just feel better if I faked it til made it. It didn't work as effected my functioning,even sleep patterns,was hard to concentrate with all the thoughts in my head,hard to recall things to learn,felt confused,lost and alone. Didn't see others going thru this as judged my insides against their outsides. Some just hide it better and seem to know how to mix with others to fit in and keep it to selves.

I had pastoral counseling from in my senior year of high school so could graduate despite moods. My grades had slumped. I felt though I could participate in class discussions by just sharing my thought and following discussions, I had a hard time learning anything for reasons mentioned earlier. I also didn't do much of my home work unless teacher really riled me into it. Mom threatened to send me to public school if didn't shape up. i didn't understand why I suddenly didn't want to do anything. I certainly didn't know it was physical due to chemical imbalance of serotonin in my brain. I also was shy but self out there as had to so was very nervous,awkward. Still am though I know they are just people. Some people are just plain mean but is their problem. I choose to ignore,avoid and not talk to them. If have to deal with them I don't personalize what they do or say. Just the way they are. I have some people around where I live like that. Is their problem as they lack compassion,are judgemental,angry as doing work hate and see me hanging around in yard even though have disabilities. Say something I can do. Will add on that another day as we know system is flawed..They don't see how fortunate they are that they can sustain employment. They make comments within ear shot about me. I have God though.l What do they have? Just themselves. I wouldn't want to live that way or be them. I try to keep the focus on me and not let it get to me eventhough they can't mind their business. I choose not to get angry about it. The Lord will take care of them. and I pray for them too.

I went to church last night and joined with other believers. Had dinner there too. Had a nice time singing,praising and thanking the Lord too. I use it like a support group as don't have one but a mental health chat which is not the same.

May came and went..

May was and is Mental Health Awareness Month yet this year May came and went in Columbia-Greene counties with no mention of Mental Health,except at (MHA) Mental Health Association who had an open house here in Hudson. In past years there have been 'Out of the Darkness' marches both in Hudson and Catskill to remember those lives lost to this devastating illness and it's impact on those families and friends left behind. It seems like most things unless it touches us in some way personally,we can turn a blind eye to it. I believe Mental and emotional illnesses touch everyone's lives in some way. Many Americans lose days at work due to their emotional state of mind which costs companies money. The government has had to pay a heavy price financially to support many who can't work as the 'system' as it is called, is very flawed and would rather put a bandaid on the problem rather than treat it. They are penalized if try to work as government takes half of check. Where's the incentive in that? This is not to say that people don't go to therapy and take the medication to be some what stable. Unfortunately this is not enough. Many live on the fringes of society or are recluses in their homes as they fear the public and visa versa. 'That which we don't understand we fear'. How do you get to know a person? Simple. You talk to them. Everyone has a story. If we can identify with one another and drop the judgement as none of us are better than another,we would see how similar we are. I suppose that is what frightens us is that it could happen to us. People with mental challenges need to be assimilated into society. Companies need to become willing to hire those with disabilities and let them do something. They can't be expected to do what someone who doesn't have this can. I believe before people come to the job,the company needs to provide it's employees with training on mental health illnesses,thinking,feeling,behavior so that they can work with them. Ex. Someone may have problems with concentration or memory so it is better if things be written down for them on a post it like 'need 5 copies'. I believe there is a solution if we are willing to look for one. Obama wants the unemployment rate cut. The state and country are broke. Social security and Medicare are threatened. I say the party is over. Was it such a party anyway? Unlike what many Americans who have to work every day,believe,many of those on the government rolls are hanging on by a thread and not living high on the hog. Granted there are some who play the system and have some illegal family business going on to which even it's children are a part of as are born into it. For many though I believe, if they could get help finding a job they could do and get the proper training and support to keep it and work with them and bosses should any confllict come up on job,they would gladly work. This will not happen in a day as from being out of work years,many have developed poor habits,let alone having a good work ethic. For some,a job full time is not reasonable as their functioning level is not high enough to cope. Perhaps working part time or volunteering is the answer. I believe everyone who is unemployed should be contacted and worked with so that they can serve society in some capacity as this develops self esteem and makes our country stronger by having people in it who are happier and a part of this country they inhabit rather than existing leading mundane,meaningless lives. Many were abused as children and are still as adults as are easy targets to bullies anyone who just wants to make a pot shot at them. When did this become ok? The reality is they are more often the victims of crime and are taken advantage of as are gullible,trusting,passive and are often alone as ARE FRIENDLESS.

Many of us have family members who suffer from depression,anxiety,panic attacks,phobias. In fact 1 in 4 Americans will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. 1 in 10 young people between the ages of 13 and 25 have a mental illness. The suicide rate is growing amongst our teens and returning military who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, at an alarming rate. Many service men and women have head injuries. This too is not easily understood as they bring on changes in mood,behavior such as anger outbursts,low frustration tolerance,depression,feeling overwhelmed. What was easy to do such as do several things in a day, is now difficult. Perhaps they can only do the laundry, in time. It is important that those with any mental health challenge, whether it be mild head injury,emotional illness(which are learned patterns of behavior based on one's environment),mental illness(which runs in families so there are some genetic reasons for this biochemically,is often caused by abuse and neglect as children or some traumatic event such as being a crime victim or hurt by domestic violence),developmental delays,autism,etc. )not compare themselves with those who don't . The same could be said of society who can be often very cruel to these people. Notice I say people as they too feel pain,are someone's sister,brother,daughter,son,friend. For many sadly, their families and friends have rejected them as they don't understand them. They can't relate to how they think and it does get 'old' and frustrating very quickly. Many can be dependent on families both financially and emotionally and the family member can get sucked in. This is called codependence. A similar pattern happens with those who have chemical dependencies. A triangle is played out where each person is either the victim,persecutor or rescuer.

Mental illness like addiction is a family illness. It is very treatable and many can lead satisfying,autonomous lives. Some even have families of their own. These are the fortunate ones. So many are not. These we see in our jails,homeless living in the streets and shelters,are part of the sex industry,are involved with selling drugs,hooked on drugs or drink or dead at their own hands or the hand of another.

I think May should not be the only day we address mental illness in this country or when a Columbine happens at our schools often due to bullying from other students and victimizing another student so he comes in with a gun. When someone jumps off the Rip Van Winkle bridge,like what happened last year we say”he had a history of mental illness' like it's an explanation and somehow ok and not worth worrying about as it's not someone we knew. N oone was born this way. These illnesses don't usually show themselves until someone is between 16 and 18. The individual is often shy and sensitive. The answer perhaps is to incorporate into therapy not to take what others say and do personally as is how we are. We have become an extremely rude,crude,inconsiderate ,angry and mean-spirited society. Ask anyone who serves the public and they will say that they can't stand people and when they go home they want to be alone. This is sad as many of us have jobs and don't want to be treated like this. If it's hard for us out there,can you imagine how hard it is for someone with a disability? Do you think these tormented souls need your wrath,ridicule,stupidity and disdain hurled at them because you are miserable? How hard would it be to smile or say hello when someone says hello to you? If you don't perhaps it's your problem more than theirs. Maybe you need to look at yourself.

Cairo is where the mental health clinic is. It serves many people in this community,especially low income individuals trying to deal with the stress of their lives. It is in an old building shared by some other offices including HUD,case management for those with mental illness who need someone to visit them weekly in their homes or take them somewhere. These people also advocate for those who have trouble doing so so that they get benefits like Social Security,HEAP,etc. Perhaps they help if person is having a housing conflict with a neighbor or landlord. The sheriff also is in this building right off the waiting room behind a dark partition watching you when you. If your not paranoid coming in you sure are when you leave. Though so many people come to this clinic, don't be looking for a new building to be built anytime soon as this is not the priority here. Having a library overall apparently is going to bring people to a town where the village looks like a ghost town of empty store fronts as most people have no money. The unemployment rate is staggering and there is a rift between the classes as wide as the bridge that separates Hudson from it. The officials of the town only care about the ones they can relate to who are doing ok. Forget about those who are living in an unweatherized cottage with their pets because they have nowhere else to go and no one to help them get there. That is their problem they say. They brought it on them selves.Many oft them would tell you that they are good ol' Christians as they attend mass on Sundays to ease their consciences. A small group of people run this town and don't welcome outsiders and any new ideas they may have. They think if it aint broken why fix it. Unfortunately it is very broken. The only thing good about Cairo is it does have some stores one can walk to,hAS A NICE pARK AND HAS SOME EVENTS IN IT LIKE SOME FAIRS. The rest of the year it is dead as a door nail. When you walk down the street be prepared to be ignored or talked about unless you fit in with their way of thinking. I think building a new library is fine,just not an expensive one. We need better transportation more so people could look,get work out of this area like in Albany,Kingston, I think they should be given money for bus fare too.

This area (Columbia Greene county) has a reputation for having horrible mental health services. We are told to be grateful not in some third world country and that we get any at all, when in fact the USA is becoming more and more like one. One can only see therapist every other week. Larger cities like Albany,White Plains have compeers(regular people in the community who volunteer their time to do something weekly with the outcasts amongst us). Perhaps taking a walk together or having a cup of jo' is what will help. One doesn't always need a pill but that is what the doctors like to give you as is easier and quicker as they send you on your way.
Also having a care line(run by volunteers for when people call in and are in pain in between appointments and is not an emergency) would be helpful. Also a support group one could go to weekly to just check in and touch base in between appointments would be good too.

Learning to advocate for and assert yourself is key here. Similar to how AA works, one who has gotten better,helping another, is the answer here. Who cares more than those who have these issues and can relate as having dealt with them. Many are empowering themselves and have become better for the struggle as they can help another as they are miracles and survivors. There is no shame in this. We did not cause this it's about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best we can be and taking care of us. I have participated in the empowerment movement with organizations like (NYAP RS) NY Association for Rehabilitative Svcs., by writing to and meeting with legislators,marching at the capital to pass the parity bill (so people get therapy,doctor visits and medication paid by their job's insurance like any other physical condition as it is one.) There is an imbalance of serotonin in the brain that can cause one to feel depressed. The same is true of schizophrenia(physical causes),anxiety,etc. Why then should people be penalized when they act nervous,sad,etc.?

An organization called Active Minds is working with many students who have illnesses on college campuses so that they feel comfortable to get help. They are telling,sharing their stories to help erase the stigma associated with this illness. NAMI, National Association for the mentally Ill has educated the public on these illnesses,Patty Duke,Morley Safer,Catherine Zeta Jones,Linda Hamilton have helped put a face on mental illness by coming out and sharing they have it and live with,manage it. Hospitals no longer keep patients locked up but release them after a week when the insurance runs out. It costs about $600/day to keep someone in a hospital so it is more cost effective to send them home.

We have come a long way since the days when people were locked up and treated in their filth by doctors up until the 30's,forced (ECT)electric shock therapy to treat depression in the 40's,atrociities exposed by Meredith Viera at an institution in NJ years ago when she was with 20/20,concerning Willowbrook, in the 70's,potrayals in movies like 'One flew over the Cookoo's Nest',the emptying of instutions in the50's, 60's to the streets with no after care,the actions of Rudolf Guliani to hide the homeless and get them out of Grand Central Station so regular folks didn't have to be harrassed by pan handlers when they bought train tickets or when politicians came to town in the 80's. Many ended up going underground and live actually below NYC in tunnels or can be seen keeping themselves warm huddled around burning metal garbage pails. The bottle bill helped many and saved lives as it gave those addicted a way to buy their drug or drink without hitting someone over the head for some money to do it. There are some advocates who work with the homeless and try to get them their benefits,into housing,drug,alcohol treatment,therapy,medication denied them as they have no address or they are too sick to get them themselves as they don't stay on the medication. Medication and advances in therapies and knowledge about these disorders has helped improve the lives of many.

I believe we are not too far off before we find a genetic gene for this and it can be prevented. Already some are getting what is like a pace maker, put in their necks to give a shock to the brain to stimulate it to help with resistant depression that different drugs haven't helped. There is some risk here though. PET scans of the brain actually show a difference in how a person with depression's brain functions vs. a healthy persons in that certain areas are more active and a different size than in the depressed person's.

People with mental illness are perhaps the most courageous,misunderstood,maligned people you ever will meet.We are far from weak but have great inner strength to endure like Auschwitz victims in this society being treating worse than criminals as 5h class citiens. It is not easy to walk outside when your mind is telling you many are laughing,talking about you and some are. Being by oneself 90% of the time because no one wants to spend time with you even when you try to be friendly,ask them if they want to do something,like the therapist suggests,is not pleasant. Is what mental illness is. Is a distorted view of reality and the world. The irony is that society has a misconception of this too. Self help books like Feeling Good can help one see when their thinking is stinking but it is not the end all and be all. Many have a psychiatric service animal like a dog which people don't understand and try to make you feel weird about, to help them with their symptoms. For many depressed people,their only friend is their pet. Is there any wonder why they stay depressed in such an oppressive society? We are told not to carry the suitcases of our pasts and troubles with us and live one day at a time in the now when the now is pretty crumby, the way it is and the future is far from bright. Is very sad when so many of us are intelligent,creative people with a lot to offer the world.