Drama Triangle

Icarus Project

Is something I have done as an addict with emotional problems and codependent issues which perpetuated dependency on each of our parts (first with mom and me) then (male friend and me). It also involved some rescuing as took focus off each other. My part was acting like God and how I know what is best for you by being very controlling. At the same time others were my GOD so I didn't have to take responsibility for me and didn't trust my judgement. Such behaviour of changing from victim to rescuer to persecutor is called the Drama Triangle. I feel I help Bill, my friend as he doesn't do stuff for self like open mail. I have layed off alot and have made suggestions and not gotten angry and left for him to do or not. After I did stuff when didn't want to ..I felt resentment and took it out on him. He in turn would get angry with me if I backed off and did for self.

I also have been victimized in relationshps, on jobs and where i live by neighbors. Now is all can do about so I keep to self,ignore and avoid em. Seems to work. As for men I don't date as don't need to get close and they leave. As for jobs I work on own and trying to find model jobs .

For more on behavoior of triangel look here

The Problem

Problem


I was angry that I had to go thru all this stuff. I asked why me? God replied why not you? I never promised you it would be easy. All of us had burdens in life. Just some hide them better. When emotional like I can be it is more noticeable. I am trying to watch what I say and be positive as alot of it is how I think. Mental illness still contains stigma,anger and fear around it as it is not understood. Many think of us as nutty and dangerous. These are but a few and most of us are victims of crime due to our passivity,fear of others,being alone as we avoid others and they avoid us making us easy prey for criminals. Emotional illness effects us all to some degree as we all have emotions and live on the same earth. Many hide it and manage it better is all. None of came from perfect families and we all have issues. For some tho it is more and a chemical imbalance and is genetically and environmentally linked. Partially has to do on how was raised and runs in families just as addiction does and abuse. One acts today due largely on how was parented and socialized.

(BP) bipolar,which affects 3 million Americans alone, can be helped with therapy and medication. This is not 100% tho and there is no cure and nooone ever is recovers completely. It is just arrested daily and managed. How is it managed? By watching who one is around and what one does in a day to avoid stressors and toxic people. These same things would not bother the average person but because people with BP are more sensitive it does. Many artists:musician,actors,writiers have this but give so much to society. Some have shared on having this recently like Jane Pauley,Linda Hamilton and others to bring it more out to the open and not behind closed doors. One is only as SICK as one's secrets. In the light of day and by talking about them they become less scary. Why some have also shared in open forums such as hospitals at conventions,schools at the auditorium,churches,etc. so such individuals will be more accepted in society. Hate the sin not the sinner.

One can control one's strong reactions to certain people by disipating one's anger which is often a part of mental illness. Women tend to turn it inward as depression and men outward. We all do and say dumb things as are human. This helps us lose anger. Fear is another part of illness and one can get paranoid and think others are talking about and laughing at them and one is less then because has this and others know more as can think straight even tho we are smart. By turning it over to God and having faith this helps overcome this. Being around others closely in groups tho may still be hard and many function better working alone or at home and have a few friends and avoid groups of people and busy stores. What is mania? The oppposite of the lows of depression one feels happy but also irritable,stressed and the mind is racing with many thoughts so one has to keep moving and doing things. This is often caused by extreme stress,possibly a change in life. this is why it is important to limit change in life altho life is about change major changes can cause one to "cycle" or go in waves from high to low. Often caused also by not taking meds or taking them not at prescribed dose as dose often causes them to lose highs and they feel base line or not happy or sad. Often unfortunately many feel sad as not on right antidepressant or one needs to do more cognitive therapy which is changing negative thoughts to positive. *For more on bipolar click links on Bipolar Planet and Bipolar World Some keep mood charts. What are they?! Mood cahrts measure moods highs and lows based on teh days occurences and who came in contact with and waht was said and one's reactions to it. The goal is to realize can't control other's but we can act not act by accepting them and not personalizing everything like many with depression do.

Ten common thought distortions depressed people often follow are:

1.Mental filtering (something negative happens and then everything is negative)

2. Personalization-taking things personally

3. All or nothing thinking. Can't see greys. If one thing goes wrong it is all wrong.

4. Disqualifying the positive

5. Maximizing and minimizing.

6. Jumping to conclusions

7. Should statements

8. Overgeneralization

9. Emotional Reasoning_ex. I feel bad so therefore I am bad.

10. Labeling and Mislabeling

Those with (BPD) borderline personality disorder have abandonment,intimacy and trust issues. Often they have chosen partners and friends,employers who reinforce these feelings experienced as a child because they have unfinished business here. Also feel wouldn't attract a nice,caring man or woman friend. We can get child like at times as inner child comes out. It is important to acknowledge the child and not shove it down. Also illness resembles OCD,obsessive compulsive disorder as when one has a thought obsessing on it constantly like a new lover in the life,someone who has treated us shabbily or a job. Then one acts from a compulsive area acting out if lover doesn't call. for ex. May go out with someone else.

Also BPD is like PTSD,post traumatic disorder as when under stress brings up abuse as a child and low frustration level and trauma so gets symptomatic and back down from a job or relationship. What causes it? Due to neglect in home I was shy and withdrawn and an easy target for bullies in school. Also was a victim of crime a few times which caused me to dissociate or go some place in my head and can do that now if some one is unkind or abusive like was hit in face by an old b/f as he was screaming in my face. I came to have a hard time on job dealing with the social aspects of it. Men have not stuck with me and have left as couldn't handle or didn't understand or care to understand illness. How does one cope if feel like a child alot inside even tho in an adult body?! Mastery...the more we accomplish and grow in confidence we earn we can truly take care of us on our own and we lose the fear and the pain taht child experienced.She/he willl always be tehre ready to pop out screaming we don't want to do this at the oddest of times when presented with some thing we fear. Some times it is in our best interests to heed taht voice. Other times we must say I know you are afraid but I as an adult will now protect you so we don't get hurt. So the abuse stops and we come to terms with the past and can move on and forgive those who mistreated us in their pain.

Getting together with a friend or other support person helps me(once a week). Also speaking with therapist once a week. Unlike others I have few friends as is hard to understand this and to be around it. But that is now and I do continue to be friendly and atleast I am around people when I shop. Slowly I hope to open the gates of trust and in time be known and trusted also by more people.

I hope you enjoy my site. It is my wish that you learn something on addiction and emotional illness. Is intertwined with codependency, usually with another addict or rescuer who is also known as the enabler. It is rooted in the family dynamic and thus is a family illness and not just the addict's or emotionally ill person's problem. Difficulty with controlling emotions usually stems from lies were told and the ones we now tell ourselves. Many have depression and stress in lives now. I believe while we are all sensitive, some are more so than others and for them living and working closely to others who say and do wahtever without thinking of who they are speaking to can be very difficult. They do not have "thick skins" but thin despite being told to "toughen up".

The health care system doesn't work the way it is set up as there is a division in society with those who have emotinal challenges versus those who don't. Those with mental illness depend on mental health services and meds,live in group homes,work in MHA,mental health association,where they don't deal with the public. When the outside gets too hard they go in hospital for a week til insurance runs out and go back out to a society who doesn't understand them,doesn't care as they think not their problem and doesn't effect them. This creates a viscious cycle taht is repaeated by many in the System,instead of keeping people out and supporting thru positive reinforcement small steps to connect to healthier,tolerant,kind,consistent people.

Since I for instance KNOW I have problems and work on them daily and don't deny them..I am in some ways healthier then those who don't and kill,hurt their kids,elders,steal and what not. Also some have bipolar and other disorders and deny it and just work and struggle thru society and don't get along with others. What needs to happen is taht we become more accepting of those who are different as God doesn't make junk. We can all learn from each other. What have I lerned from this?! To be humble and lose ego..Because of this the way I look at life is different. It's not about making alot of $ but live comfortable and be able to enjoy it and consider the poor and help thy neighbor. Sometimes this means smiling,saying a kind word,opening or holding a door. People can be cruel as don't understand it which makes person keep to self and stay depressed as can be lonely living this way. I want to add that it isn't mentally healthy to be mean to another. Cho,who killed all the student at VA Tech was bullied all thru high school himself. While many won't kill just because hurt by others is important to look at self and ask do I want to perpetuate this just because I see others do it?! Can I risk not being popular and say Enough!

We can only create a healthier society by stopping the sick way many of us speak to one another. We are all equal and worthy and God's children. We deserve love and respect just because we are alive and not for what we do which often is never enough as we have been told as children that many things we did were wrong and perhaps even we were bad. Doesn't help when many in society are the same way because of what they came out of. All we can do is stick with supportive,uncritical,loving people and minimize contact with those we don't feel good around. We also need to change the tapes that run in our heads of negative statements some have said to us. Were the words true? If not,rewrite them and move on.