Ann Reilly October 30, 2011 at 1:25 pm
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thanks for topic and web site. I can relate to all your stories. I also know alot about bpd as have been diagnosed with it ,bipolar,head,spinal injury. First hospitalization was when i was 21 for a month after smoking weed with a neighbor who didn’t trust(didn’t trust self. Learned to trust gut.) Anyway it was laced and i was raped and had a psychotic break and was taken to mental hospital in a straight jacket after being in apartment below him with my poor mom for a week.
It has taken me years to get better. Mostly who I hurt along way was me and my mom. I suppose anyone who loved me but never felt they did but just used me for sex. Can be very used if have this and BP as hypersexual is part of it as ‘act out’. Medicine helps greatly. This illness largely stems from’poor raising’ in a home was neglected and ‘invalidated’ in. Noone was interested in me. Raised self. Caused acceptance problems as felt rejected by them,also in school with peers as acted differently based on my experiences and couldn’t relate well,same at work,same in relationships both with friends and lovers as they found me odd. you would be too if lived what i have. i make no excuse for self but explains alot. I am lucky to be alive. I have been a crime victim several times as am alone alot,once at gunpoint. Violence,trauma,rape,domestic violence,assault,evictions,addiction,crazy unstable relationships,can’t keep a job,victimization,real or imagined is all part of it as live what know and repeat it again and again until with alot of help stop it as very compulsive. Today I keep to self. Am in no relationship(don’t want to have to live up to someone’s expectations or be disappointed by another). Trust is a big part of it and not there yet.,celibate for 4 years,have attended ‘SLAA’ sex and love addicts for my craving for love and settling for sex and then losing self respect and self in process. I often put self in compromising situations that out of fear went along with things. Red flag if scared shouldn’t have been is someone’s car,home,etc. I tried to be what wasn’t to fit in.
Now am an artist,jewelry designer,blogger,who has had some work published I am happy about. I see value in my story and pain to help others find a way out of it and to understand those they know with this. We didn’t cause it but we are responsible for what do with it. We need to be accountable and save selves you can’t save someone who doesn’t want saving. Is a battle within,sick part doesn’t want to get better but healthy side does. See it in alcoholics,drunks. Perhaps they too have this or BP. Borderline is an illness where person is on the border between neurosis and psychosis. It is a severe mental illness,despite what doctors have thought for years inthat it wasn’t one. It is multiple illnesses in one(PTSD,depression,anxiety,social phobia,agraphobia,paranoia.) Once k now what dealing with,it is highly treatable if person is commited to healing. Those in life need to go to therapist to cope and if in a relationship couples therapy. ‘Excuse rather than accuse’,set boundaries,love,have compassion not pity,encourage but don’t let self be a target to abuse or anger from person. Noone deserves that. This is a very spiritual experience and i believe one needs help in many eclectic treatments to overcome this almost divine intervention like a demon within. many with this were early sexualized,thus the sex piece and the power from looking good,closeness to opposite sex,being noticed. Sadly the personality is such that when get close to us we can crumble. I believe was the sad case of marilyn monroe(what a smart,beautiful yet tragic,childlike,needy person). i often feel like her as in when need help or want someone to talk to do something with,noone is there. i have an advocate though from BIANYS(brasininjury assoc.). I believe partly head injury brought this illness out and had the predisposition in family as other have mental problems. I have seen recently that my mouth gets me in trouble and best to be quiet as am misunderstood as alot of what i do is hard to control like a seizure,meds help. Working a program really helps too as not alone as in support groups on phone as live rural and stigma here. Fear,anger are big parts of this. my faith helps the fear. Compassion for self and others)forgive past and present imagined hurts,slights) helps as we are all imperfect and do the best can. I grew up in a home had to be perfect in. Society strives for this too. Also many mixed messages around sex,double standard. Alot of pressure put on women to be super people. Rejected when aren’t. This lessens anger for rude things people say at times to us as we are an enigma. So much going for us. look for the good i say in eachother,let go let God. You can’t do it alone. Addiction,madness is built in isolation.
These are very common illnesses as thousands of people in US alone are afflicted,just don’t hear about it as those who are lucky are in support groups like Recovery Inc.(google it),’Emotions Anonomous” based on AA 12 steps slogans. I have great faith in God,love my pets which keep me alive and give me something to care for besides me. I also do dialectical and cognitive behavior therapy and meditate. I share my experience,strength and hope with you.
Walking daily in the light.
-Ann
